You know what bugs me about soulmate aus? So, I’m assuming that this whole “the first thing your soulmate says to you blahblahblah” is a worldwide thing. So many of the aus I’ve read have a quote at some point that addresses how tragic it is when people have soul words that say something like “hi” or “‘sup” which makes NO SENSE! In a world where the first thing you say to people is THAT important, WHY GOD WHY would the culture still use standard greetings? Who the fuck is still saying hello at this point? Everyone in these worlds would surely develop a personalized greeting different from everybody else’s to prevent confusion. Like how no 2 racehorses can have the same racing name? The best part is that every time people met someone new for the first time, they would try to say something that no one else had said. You’d have people meeting eachother at a job intetview, they’d shake hands, smile politely, then one of them would be like “Every Tuesday, I hard even grape purple farm house sunsets too” and this would be perfectly normal. Or you’d go up to the cash register at Starbucks and instead of saying “Hello, what can i get for you today?” She’d look you right in the eye and say “I don’t know what Space Jam is” THEN ask you what you want and she’d repeat that to every customer in the line for the rest of her career. And because they live in the AU, nobody would think it was weird.
^^In which AUs get interesting with their world building. I love it.
A world where everyone has their own, increasingly bad, pickup lines
Sounds like my kind of world
I actually read one singular fanfic that actually used this idea and it was great, but for the life of me I can’t even remember what fandom it was for
Imagine the ultimate insult though! Saying, Hi, or Hello when first meeting someone would imply “I don’t care if we are soulmates, I don’t want to even try with you.
i’m sorry but. rouxls kaard would be absolutely STUMPED by any child-level kinda puzzle and i can’t stop thinking about it also did another take on this
If I were a billionaire I would absolutely tell my secretary to send wedding gifts to anyone who sent me an invite regardless of if I knew them, because- A. I know how expensive that nonsense is. B. I would be a billionaire and when else am I gonna do with that much money? Honestly… and C. I would totally make showing up at random weddings with crazy awesome gifts my new stress relief hobby. “Congratulations random strangers! I admire your daring and stratigic planning. Here’s that 700$ tea set you wanted but assumed no one would ever buy.”
“Good morning class. Everyone sit down and shut up—I have an
announcement to make.” Aizawa slunk into Class 1-A, more goblin than man,
sporting a five o’clock shadow and eyes to make a stoner envious.
Iida’s hand shot up. “Will it be an invaluable piece of
information for the furthering of our hero lives and dreams!?”
“No,” Aizawa answered, and dropped into his seat. “I wish.”
“EYYYYYYYY? THIS IS
THE INFAMOUS CLASS A’S CLASSROOM?” A noise, jarring and terrible for 8:00am on
a Monday, bellowed from the doorway. “OH BUT YOUR ROOM IS CLEARLY SMALLER THAN
THE CLASS B CLASSROOM, AND YOUR WINDOWS FACE THE WEST SO YOU GET NO SUNLIGHT IN
THE MORNING? STRANGE DON’T YOU THINK CONSIDERING IT’S SUPPOSEDLY CLASS A WHO—”
“Shut up.” Aizawa placed his head on the desk. “Everyone say
hi to your new classmate, but quietly. I already have a head ache.”
Silence met him. Monoma remained posed at the doorway.
“…Um sensei, Monoma is in Class B,” Midoriya remarked. “Did
he um, is he transferring?”
“No. Monoma is still in Class B.”
“Okay… Why’s he here?”
Aizawa sunk lower into his desk, cheek plastered against the
wood, as though he were made of very tired, melting plastic.
“Monoma B is staying in Class B. Monoma A is coming here
with us. Say hi.”
Silence again.
“No,” Bakugou answered.
“Monoma…A?” Midoriya asked.
Aizawa’s face was now flat against the desk. His words were
muffled. “There was an accident during Monoma’s internship. He copied the quirk
of a villain who could produce and disperse clones at will. Monoma cloned
himself but the quirk-copy time limit ran out before he could release the
clone. So they’re both here. Two of them. They’re both Monoma.”
“…Oh my god,” Kirishima answered quietly. “Monoma managed to
get an internship?”
“Yeah like, I kinda forgot he exists outside of just,
harassing us,” Sero answered with a nod.
“So… both Monomas now go to U.A.?” Midoriya asked, pressing
the matter.
“Yes. They’re both still Monoma. There’s nothing we can do
about it,” Aizawa answered.
“We could kill one of them,” Bakugou offered.
Several classmates nodded.
“Wait um but, why not put both Monomas in Class B?” Midoriya
posited. “Doesn’t that make most sense? Also I don’t think I really want him
breathing my air or like, existing in my life more than usual, you know?”
Several classmates nodded.
“We would do that, but Class B has no more room. They’re
capped at 20,” Aizawa had slipped from his desk and dropped to the floor. He
seemed more comfortable there.
“…Wait we also have 20 people, Sensei,” Mineta piped up.
“Not anymore,” the Floor Sensei added. “Policy is clear. In
the case of a transfer student, we kick out the lowest performing existing student
and send them to general studies.”
“O-oh?” Mineta answered. “It better not be one of the girls
then!”
Aizawa did not answer. Instead he stared at Mineta from the
floor, a piercing, unblinking, soul-probing stare. Mineta felt the room
temperature drop in increments, chills up and down his spine. The other
students were staring at him, pinning him to the spot. His little weasel heart
beat fast in his chest.
“H-h-hang on. We can. Pull up another chair, yeah? There’s
room! Yaoyorozu, just make another chair! Another desk!”
“Stop putting my name
in your mouth, Mineta,” Yaoyorozu answered simply.
“Um-m-m, ah, wow, I’m so sorry Hagakure. This really isn’t
fair to you h-huh? I think you’ll do great in general studies!”
“Ha,” Jirou laughed. “I doubt it. Hagakure did great during
her internship you know? She assassinated three—”
“Four!”
“—four crime lords during her internship. She’s in the top
100 up-and-coming-heros list this week.”
Hagakure blushed and waved off the compliment, wiggling in
her seat a little. “Oh it’s nothing it’s nothing! I’m just really good with knives!”
The pressure in the room descended on Mineta. It pinned him.
He got up from his seat, and dropped low to the floor, like a rat.
“You can’t…”
Monoma approached, and he lifted Mineta from the ground,
until the little bastard baby was eye to eye with his shit eating grin. “My
fucking city now, piss boy.”
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