Demon Dipper posing as a literal air freshener while Bill drives two vehicles at once and blasts 10 hours of Rising Shepard Tone.
I like to think Bill could control someone in stealth mode if he really wanted to. You know, yellow eyes optional, otherwise possession would be ridiculously impractical.
I think one of my favorite things, looking back at the finale, is the ultimate fate of Bill Cipher. Not only was he completely and utterly destroyed by Stan, but he also:
Had his statue form chucked down a hole and ended up in a remote part of Oregon rather than a heavily populated area
Had to enlist random nerds from around the world in his plan to gain form again
The nerds quickly became sidetracked by an enormous jigsaw puzzle that took weeks to finish
When the nerds finally found him, the first person to shake his hand was a baby, who was too much young to make any sort of deal with a demon
Bill was quickly apprehended by the local authorities for trespassing and had to spend the night in jail
Said authorities also managed to lose track of Bill’s hat
Finally found a home at Confusion Hill, where he was promptly stapled to a tree and will remain there, alone and hatless, until the heat death of the universe
Really, this is the best outcome I could have ever hoped for with a villain this terrible. I would say his fate in our dimension is poetic justice or irony of some kind, but then where would the “Jason Ritter’s puzzle reaction” meme fit into all this?
can you imagine ford as a college lecturer or, god forbid, a professor. sweet jesus itd be a disaster (also wouldve made college infinitely more exciting for me tbh)
“will the course be hard”
“no fucking idea”
“do you have a syllabus for us dr. pines”
“um…” *rifles through some desk drawers, sweeps some books and papers off his desk, digs around, comes up with a crooked frown* “no. no i dont. apparently.”
“what textbook are we using”
“textbooks are filled with pretention and oft-misconstrued words! no, my dear students, we will go outside and experience the course material firsthand! it is, after all, the best way to learn!”
“is there a chance we could die in this course dr. pines”
“no! well… maybe. watch your step out here, i believe there’s some patches of quicksand which sucks you through a wormhole into another dimension”
“is there any way i can get my money back for this class”
*nervously side eyes a picture frame of his brother on a file cabinet* “ah… no, sorry, no refunds…” *awkwardly clears throat and pretends stan didnt fucking blow all the money on stan o’ war upgrades and a trip to vegas already*
ford often leaps onto his or a student’s desk and loudly pontificates on some unrelated literature and rants about how holden caulfield is a spoiled brat and that mary shelley invented science fiction and how hp lovecraft is an antisemite and sometimes his students will livestream his shouting rants, or theyll tweet like “my prof is going tf off about classic lit–this is an advanced bio class btw” and others will avidly take notes and others will just like, pull their hoods up and take a nap
“hey dr. pines you sound kinda like the guy from the farmers insurance commercials”
“the what now”
“does dr. pines even have office hours”
“yeah but hes usually on the roof trying to jack somebodys wifi signal or harness lightning because he told us the campus is ‘foolish not to take advantage of the opportunity to obtain clean energy’ or whatever, i dont know, hes nuts”
“hey dr pines why were you getting arrested on the news last week”
“oh that was my brother. we’re identical twins, hes always been a bit of a law breaker”
“how did he embezzle money from a library”
“i dont know and i dont want to know, quite frankly”
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